


The Family you Find

by VoidWinnower (SumDumMuffin)



Category: Carmen Sandiego (Cartoon 2019)
Genre: Crack, Family Dynamics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-11-23 10:54:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20890931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SumDumMuffin/pseuds/VoidWinnower
Summary: An inane discussion, a bonding moment, and a story.





	The Family you Find

"So," Player said, from his screen, "You want me to call you Shadow-_san._"

The rest of the team was eating Chinese take out at their base. Like usual, Player telecommuted from an open laptop, and the time zones meant they could eat dinner together.

"That is correct," Shadow-san said.

"Even though I'm not Japanese and therefor have no business using Japanese Honorifics," Player said.

"Everyone does it," Zach said. He slurped some noodles.

"It's a sign of respect," Carmen said. She picked a bite of stir-fry up with her chopsticks.

"But the other faculty members of VILE, many of whom were older than you, and all of whom were senior to you in the organization, still called you Shadow-_san_, rather than Shadow-kun or -chan."

Shadow-san frowned. "Yes."

"So, you're saying," Player said. He took a potato chip and ate it, "That your _name_ is 'Shadow-san'."

"That _is_ what I've been saying," Shadow-san said. He took a drink from his tea. 

Player smirked. "Which is basically the equivalent of 'Mr. Shadow.'"

Zach paused morphing down food. "Oh, huh, is that right?"

Shadow-san didn't answer. He frowned.

Player's smile intensified, "Except the 'Shadow' is in English, so its sort of like being called 'Señor Shadow', or 'Herr Shadow', or to invert the languages, 'Mr. Kage'."

Shadow-san's frown intensified. He emitted his trademark exasperated grunt. "Do you have a point to this?" 

"Well," Carmen said, "I don't know if someone named 'Player' has a right to critique someone's code name."

Player chuckled and put his hands up. "Okay, fair enough. I can lay off him. He's basically your estranged father-figure, right?"

Carmen nodded and said 'Pretty much' at the same time Shadow-san said 'No', curtly and pointedly.

Carmen turned to Shadow-san. "Wait, what? You- you don't, think so?"

Shadow-san scrunched his mouth to the side and looked at the floor. "You should expect more from your parental figures, Black Sheep. I- and all of VILE's Faculty- only mentored you. We performed our function as your teachers and commanders, but we were vastly deficient in any area of parenting." 

Shadow-san picked up his tea cup and looked into it. "And to believe that someone who withholds affection and deliberately undermines your achievements qualifies as a 'father figure', even if he joins your thievery organization years later- well, you should expect better from a parent." 

"But like," Carmen said, to the wall, "You're still an authority figure I grew up with and sought approval from..."

"You shouldn't seek approval from _any_ authority figure, Black sheep," Shadow-san said. He didn't make eye contact either. 

There was an awkward silence. Carmen sunk into her coat slightly and poked at her container of rice with her chopsticks.

Shadow-san scrunched his mouth to the other side and managed to make eye contact. "But for what it's worth, I am very proud of the path you've chosen and the woman you've become, Carmen."

Carmen glanced down and hid under her hat and mumbled something. 

"I wouldn't worry about it, Carm," Zach said, as he tried to pick the last bits of noodle from the bottom of his own food box, "Ivy and I never had any parental authority figures in _our_ lives and _we_ turned out fine." 

"Yeah," Ivy said. Then her mouth wobbled into a line and she looked to Carmen. "Didn't we?"

Zach's mouth became a similar wobble and he also looked at Carmen. Both of their eyes grew wide. "Please tell us we turned out alright?"

Player laughed. "Well, I guess they found _their_ authority figure from which to seek approval." 

Zach and Ivy paused. Then they turned to each other. "Oooh, I get it," Ivy said.

"You're our adopted Mom, Carm!" Zach said. 

"Eeeuuuaah- ah-" Carmen emitted. She grimaced.

"Wait-" Zach said. He turned to his sister, "That means-" 

"If Carmen's our mom-" Ivy said. She turned to her brother. 

"- I kind of think of you as more like, cousins," Carmen tried to interject.

"And Shadow-san is _Carmen's_ dad," Zach said.

"- or maybe like, a niece and nephew who look up to me-"

"That means-"

"Shadow-san's-"

"Our Grampy!"

Shadow-san's poker face broke for the first time in forever. "Wait- what-"

"Grampy!" Ivy said. She jumped up. 

"Grampy Grampy!" Zach said. He jumped up. They both ran over to where Shadow-san was sitting. 

"Grampy, tell us a story!"

"Yeah Grampy, please please please?"

Carmen sighed. "Well, I guess I did say we were a family." 

Player paused laughing. "Well, I'm okay being your little brother, Red." 

"You actually bail me out a whole lot, so the dynamic is more that you're my _big_ brother, Player," Carmen said.

"Sweet. Just don't ask me to drive you to soccer practice, because I am actually a lot younger than you," Player said. "And also in Canada." 

"Grampy Grampy- story!" 

Shadow-san emitted his trademark exasperated grunt. "Fine. Contingent that you cease calling me 'Grampy'."

Shadow-san glanced to the side. "It's Grampy-_san_." 

"Yes, Grampy-san." Zach and Ivy said. They sat down before Shadow-san and looked at the old ninja eyes wide, expectantly.

Shadow-san waved his arms in a panorama as he spoke.

"Once upon a time, there were two great Dragon brothers; the Dragon of the North Wind and the Dragon of the South Wind. Together, they upheld balance and harmony in the Heavens."

"But the two brothers argued over who could better rule their land. Their quarrel turned to rage and their violent struggle darkened the skies, until the Dragon of the South Wind struck down his brother, and fell to earth, shattering the land."

"The Dragon of the South Wind had triumphed, but as time passed and he realized his solitude. The sweetness of victory turned to ash.

"For years the bereft Dragon's grief threw the world into discord and he knew only bitterness and sorrow. One day a stranger called up to the Dragon and asked "Oh, Dragon Lord, why are you so distraught?" The dragon told him, "Seeking power I killed my brother, but without him, I am lost." The stranger replied, "You have inflicted wounds upon yourself, but now you must heal. Walk the earth on two feet as I do. Find value in humility, then you will find peace."

"The Dragon knelt upon the ground. For the first time he was able to clearly see the world around him and he became human. The stranger revealed himself as his fallen brother. Reunited, the two set out to rebuild what they had once destroyed."

Shadow-san took a drink from his tea to punctuate the ending of his story.

"Woah," Zach said.

"Is it true, Grampy?" Ivy said.

Carmen chuckled. Player smirked. 

Shadow-san took a long drink from his tea. "Sure. In fact, it's autobiographical."

  
  
  
  
OMAKE:   
  
"So does that mean Shadow-san is Player's dad, too?" Ivy asked, idly. 

Player looked thoughtful. "Well, I already have a family- that I hide from in my basement- and Shadow-san is _Carmen's_ dad, so I guess he's more like my Step-dad?"

Shadow san made a face. "Very well. I shall take you fishing for your birthday, Player, so we can talk about feelings without making eye contact."

  
  
OMAKE 2:  
  
"Wait," Player said, "So if Shadow-san is your full name, does that mean if we were all Japanese using Japanese Honorifics, you'd be 'Shadow-san-_san_'?" 

"To you," Shadow-san said, "I would be Shadow-san-_sama_." 

**Author's Note:**

> The joke is that Shadow-san is voiced by the same person who voices Hanzo Shimada, and that Shadow-san also had a falling out with his brother involving swords.


End file.
